Locked Out!
Sunday Aug 17,2014
By shielding myself from the ugly things that are done in this societal life...
But while doing that,
I deprive myself of the things that I need to allow the social deformity in my life to be healed.
I'm missing out on exercising, therefore, strengthening...
Taking the good with the bad, if all I get is the bad, well social life is not worth the trouble to me( that's why I ran away in the first place) I never WOULD.... Therefore never could receive accept any good. The wounds I received as a child, prohibited me from receiving even the slightest of compliments or the of the love that people tried to give (if there was any given).
And God brought me here to be healed, and I keep thwarting, what hes given me to do that!
And this makes me mad at myself too!
...The receiving of kindnesses, Compliments, Conversing, fun jesting...
So what it all boils down to, is; In order to get the help and the healing I need, But been avoiding,
I must make myself vulnerable to all that other junk, that I loathe so much!
So the only way to not be upset with it is by staying away from the stuff that upsets me, but then I get upset, Because when I need to be helped, It is nowhere near to be able to help me
Elder said..." How do I love my enemy?"
"Would you save him if you could?"
I've examined myself thoroughly, I know without doubt, that I would save even the worst of my offenders, and those that would destroy me if they could, even the one who wounded me so bad in the first place. And I have no unforgiveness, or bitterness ( tho I admit I have been a bitter person)
I know I must crucify my old man
But I must love me (and not hate me) enough to want to save him ( my enemy #1)
Ive not been so sure I wanted to save him if I could...:-/
Elder said...(Tho I thought he was talking about someone else, and probly was)
But maybe was meant for me, or at least apply to my situation.
"The only way to not get upset with me, is by not being around me much... then get upset because I'm not around to help you when you need it"
Heb 10:24
I avoid all inconsiderateness, Rudeness,
Stupidity,
Bully-itus,
Unthoughtfulness,
Know it alls....
But maybe was meant for me, or at least apply to my situation.
"The only way to not get upset with me, is by not being around me much... then get upset because I'm not around to help you when you need it"
Heb 10:24
I avoid all inconsiderateness, Rudeness,
Stupidity,
Bully-itus,
Unthoughtfulness,
Know it alls....
By shielding myself from the ugly things that are done in this societal life...
But while doing that,
I deprive myself of the things that I need to allow the social deformity in my life to be healed.
I'm missing out on exercising, therefore, strengthening...
Taking the good with the bad, if all I get is the bad, well social life is not worth the trouble to me( that's why I ran away in the first place) I never WOULD.... Therefore never could receive accept any good. The wounds I received as a child, prohibited me from receiving even the slightest of compliments or the of the love that people tried to give (if there was any given).
And God brought me here to be healed, and I keep thwarting, what hes given me to do that!
And this makes me mad at myself too!
...The receiving of kindnesses, Compliments, Conversing, fun jesting...
So what it all boils down to, is; In order to get the help and the healing I need, But been avoiding,
I must make myself vulnerable to all that other junk, that I loathe so much!
So the only way to not be upset with it is by staying away from the stuff that upsets me, but then I get upset, Because when I need to be helped, It is nowhere near to be able to help me
Elder said..." How do I love my enemy?"
"Would you save him if you could?"
I've examined myself thoroughly, I know without doubt, that I would save even the worst of my offenders, and those that would destroy me if they could, even the one who wounded me so bad in the first place. And I have no unforgiveness, or bitterness ( tho I admit I have been a bitter person)
I know I must crucify my old man
But I must love me (and not hate me) enough to want to save him ( my enemy #1)
Ive not been so sure I wanted to save him if I could...:-/
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